PhoneTag Secret
by ice flow
Summary: So just why doesn't anyone call Jirou by his last name? AtoJi. Hints of Silver, Dirty, etc. Warning: Crack! Multiple schools involved.


**Title**: PhoneTag Secret  
**Author**: ice  
**Genre**: General, Humor  
**Rating**: PG  
**Pairings**: AtoJi  
**Warnings**: Crack, Fluff  
**Summary**: So just why doesn't anyone call Jirou by his last name? AtoJi. Hints of Silver, Dirty, etc.

* * *

**Disclaimer**: If I owned them, would I be writing a fanfic about them?

* * *

Footsteps shuffled quickly down the corridor as doors slid open and slammed shut repeatedly. Figures of tawny and white uniforms scrambled around the halls of Hyoutei Gakuen like ants disrupted from their line. A boom sounded as the front doors ominously opened. The students all sighed in relief when they saw that it was only the figure of a female. One of the other females in the hall called out, "Asami! Did you find him?"

The girl who had just entered shook her head no. "There's no trace of him anywhere."

A boy nearby groaned in despair. "We are so dead."

"Shut up! We will find him!" The first girl snapped.

"But Yuuko-san! We were supposed to finish by the time tennis practice usually ends. Atobe-sama canceled practice so that we could do this. He'll be expecting him by then, and that's only another two hours away." Another boy protested.

"Then we'll find him by then! And someone can stall if we don't!"

"B-but, but-"

"No buts! Now get going! If we don't find him by then, then you will be the one stalling Atobe-sama!" Yuuko snarled.

The boy yelped. "Hai, President-san!"

Yuuko rubbed her temples with her fist, feeling a headache come on. "Asami! Go to the street courts and get the Hyoutei students there to help. We'll need all the search parties we can get." She barked, inciting a squeak of 'yes, ma'am,' before turning back to the other students and assigning them areas in the city to search.

* * *

Asami ran down the walkway of Hyoutei Gakuen, speeding past a startled Taki and Hiyoshi who glanced at her bewilderedly.

"Sorry senpai-tachi! Have to run!" Asami yelled as she continued on her way and out the gates. Luckily she knew the way to the street courts and knew a short-cut. It would help her save the precious little time they all had. A few minutes later, she burst out of the bushes near a group of Hyoutei students sitting on the bleachers watching the current matches on the courts. She waved them down frantically before bending over and resting her hands on her knees to catch her breath.

"Asami-chan, what's wrong?" A girl asked.

Asami gasped for breath as she tried to tell them. "A-a-...A-atobe-san is missing!" She finally gasped out.

Shock overtook the group. "What?"

"How?"

"Wasn't he in his usual place?"

"Did you check the Sakura tree next to the courts?"

"Maybe he's still in his last period's classroom?"

Asami shook her head. "W-we've l-looked every-everywhere. H-he's not in anywhere in school! Yuuko-san sent me out to ask you guys to help look for him here."

They all nodded. "Alright." They all split, starting their search, none of them noticing two particular Seigaku students standing nearby.

Momo stared at the retreating backs of the Hyoutei students before glancing down at Ryoma. "Atobe's missing?"

Ryoma shrugged. "Guess so. Guess monkey-king needs a leash if his own fanclub can't find him." He muttered before finishing his ponta.

"O-oi! But this is serious!" Momo called after Ryoma's retreating back.

Ryoma shrugged. "Monkey-king's probably fine. They'll call the police if anything."

Momo frowned. "But, but. It's big news!" He whined. "We need to tell someone! Oh, oh, I know!" He picked up his phone and dialed a number as he walked alongside Ryoma.

"Kikumaru-senpai! You'll never guess what!...nope, nope...Atobe's MISSING!"

"NANI!" Both Ryoma and Momo winced at the screech that came over the phone.

"Yeah, yeah! Silly Ryoma wanted to leave it alone, but...yeah!" Momo nodded furiously as Kikumaru ranted. Ryoma sighed as the two continued their gossiping. Ten minutes later, when they were STILL gossiping, Ryoma, finally fed up, reached up and grabbed Momo's cell phone.

"Kikumaru-senpai, we're about to order lunch. Bye." He quickly said before hanging up, not letting the red-head get in any words.

"Hey!" Momo protested. Ryoma turned around with a raised eyebrow. Momo deflated. "Oh alright, we'll get burgers."

* * *

On the other side, Kikumaru was now giddy from the gossip, and having no one to talk to about it anymore, quickly called up the one person he knew would always listen to his gossip.

"Oishi! Oishi! Oishi!" Kikumaru positively bounced.

"Eh? Eiji? What's wrong?"

"Atobe-san's missing!" Kikumaru burst out.

"What?"

"I know, I know, right? You wouldn't think that it'd ever happen to him! He'd probably annoy his kidnappers with his attitude, but then maybe that's why-"

"Eiji! This is a serious matter! I need to report this. I'll talk to you later, okay?" Oishi said gently, yet worriedly before hanging up.

Kikumaru stared the dial tone. "EHH?"

* * *

Oishi, on the other hand, now had his hands full. He decided against calling the police just yet, knowing that his partner might have just heard something wrong, and called Tezuka instead.

"Tezuka! Kikumaru just called me and told me that Atobe-san's missing!"

Tezuka stared at his phone. "..."

"Tezuka? Tezuka? Are you there-" -click-

Oishi sighed and bit his lip, before deciding to call the next reasonable person on the team.

"Moshi moshi?"

"Fuji! Atobe-san is missing!"

Fuji's eyes snapped opened at the news. A peculiar glint shone in his eyes. "Oh, he is, is he."

"...u-um...y-yes...?" Oishi now slightly regretted letting Fuji know, realizing too late that Fuji might still perhaps hold a grudge for what Atobe had done to Tezuka's shoulder, even if inadvertently so.

* * *

"I see. Don't worry about it Oishi. I'll take care of it." Fuji smiled before hanging up, cutting off Oishi's response. He pondered, what to do, what to do. He smiled evilly before picking up the phone again. He dialed Inui's number.  
"Inui."

"Yes?"

"Atobe's missing. Thought it might interest you."

"...I see. Thank you for the info."

Fuji hung up the phone with a click, leaving Inui staring at the phone thoughtfully.

"Senpai?" Kaidou looked at the taller teen warily.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing." Inui pondered. He picked up the phone again and dialed another familiar number. "Renji. Atobe's missing. What do you think?"

"The chances of such an event was 50.00 percent."

"Oh?"

"Atobe's arrogance would have angered many, and yet at the same time, it is that arrogance that makes people not want to have him around."

"I see. I had calculated a 49.78 percent of this happening. Hmm..."

"If that is all, Rikkai is still in the middle of practice. Good day." Yanagi hung up.

Inui turned to his snake-like kouhai. "Say, Kaidou, what do you say to a little...training?"

"...senpai...?"

"This will help you confuse your opponents and prevent them from predicting your movements. You'll also develop stealth to help you maneuver on the courts."

"...senpai...that's called stalking..."

* * *

Yukimura looked over at Yanagi when he put the phone back into his bag. Yanagi shook his head at Yukimura's questioning look. Yukimura frowned disapprovingly. Yanagi sighed.

"Seigaku has received word that Atobe-san is missing."

Yukimura blinked. "Truly?"

"It would appear so." Yanagi replied.

"Tarundarou!" Sanada grunted.

The three turned back to the courts, not noticing the head of black hair hiding around the corner. Then, said head of black jumped when a hand landed on his shoulder. "GAH!"

"Akaya, what are you doing?" Marui asked as he popped a bubble.

Kirihara breathed in heavily as he tried to calm his heart-rate. "Marui-senpai, are you trying to kill me?"

Marui frowned. "It's your fault you were hiding in this corner." Pop. "So what's up?"

Kirihara frowned in confusion. "Yanagi-senpai just told Buchou that Atobe-san is missing because someone kidnapped him and wants to kill him cause he annoyed someone..."

Marui blinked. "Yanagi?" Pop. "Huh. That's new. Maybe we should go down there and see what's going on. Those schools closer to Seigaku seem to always have some kind of drama or another."

"GATHER!"

"Shoot, buchou's calling!" Kirihara yelped and dashed out onto the courts, Marui following behind at a more sedate pace.

Neither noticed yet another head of black hiding in the bushes nearby.

"Hmm...Atobe-san was kidnapped, eh?" Mizuki stood up as a finger twirled around his hair. "Interesting..." He muttered as he disappeared back into the foliage.

* * *

The St. Rudolph regulars all stared warily at the form of their half-cackling, half-muttering manager. The person in question was oblivious to their intent stares, but suddenly whirled around with wide open arms and shouted, "Victory is OURS!" before proceeding to laugh uproariously.

The regulars, however, merely glanced at each other in confusion; none of them were willing to approach their manager when he was in such a state. Finally, Yuuta sighed and cautiously called out to the seemingly insane Mizuki.

"Mizuki-senpai...what are you talking about?"

Mizuki suddenly appeared in front of Yuuta, clasping the other boy's hands in his own, face right in front of Yuuta's, making Yuuta lean backwards. "Atobe. Is missing. And likely, permanently. From my sources, he has been kidnapped and is likely making his captors angry." His eyes gleamed. "And so, that means we get to move up a rank in the next tournament!"

Everyone else sweatdropped at the manager's delusions.

Yuuta cautiously inserted himself in between the other teen's fantasy. He really doubted that Atobe was really dead or out of the country like Mizuki implied. "Senpai, maybe we should go ask Atobe himself about what's going on? Or Hyoutei at least. They should-"

"YES! What a great idea! We can show them how great a team we are!" Mizuki cut the younger boy off. "To the bus!"

Yuuta could only sigh. Somehow, he had the feeling that his brother was involved.

* * *

Elsewhere, one Fuji Syuusuke sneezed delicately. "Hmm...someone must be thinking of me..." Fuji's eyes gleamed. "Yuuta-chan's so nice..." He blinked. "Oh, maybe I should tell Saeki. He'll get a good laugh out of this one." He mused as he wandered off to get the phone once again.

* * *

Yuuta shivered. Then he blinked. Was that a rustle he heard behind him?

* * *

An didn't know whether to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation or be very scared. She had only been passing by the park when she heard the insane cackling and shouts. How did her brother ever get mixed up into THIS crowd?

She slammed the front door as she entered.

"Oh, An, you're back early." Her older brother blinked at her enraged and exasperated look. He had been just about to leave for practice.

"Nii-san, how did you ever get mixed up in this kind of crowd? I passed by St. Rudolph and their manager who was cackling, CACKLING, about something about Atobe being kidnapped and murdered or something." An stomped up the stairs to her room and slammed the door shut.

Tachibana Kippei, was left at the doorstep blinking in confusion.

* * *

"Tachibana-san, are you okay?" Kamio cautiously asked. Their captain had been out of sorts for the entire practice since an hour ago, and unfortunately, he drew the short straw and was elected to question their buchou about his inattentiveness.

"Hmm?" Tachibana blinked. "Oh, yes. I apologize. Something An said is making me think."

"An-chan? What's wrong with her?"

"Oh, nothing's wrong, just something about Atobe and possible mutilation or another..." He trailed off. "Hmm...perhaps I should ask Chitose about what to do..."

There was a brief moment of silence as the Fudomine regulars team process what their captain had just said. "MUTILATION?"

* * *

Chitose was watching a practice match between Kintarou and Kenya when his phone rang. "Kippei? What's-" He fell silent. "...what?" By now, he had drawn both players' attention with his abruptness and confusion. "Wait, wait. Atobe has been kidnapped and is being tortured? Is that what you're saying?"

Kintarou, however, who had been straining to listen to the other side of the phone, suddenly burst out, "Koshimae's cousin has been kidnapped and Koshimae refuses to pay the ransom!" drawing the attention of both Chitose, who had an exasperated look, and Kenya who stared at the boy as if he had grown a third head, along with the attention of their captain who had just entered the courts.

Shiraishi blinked. "What's going on?"

Chitose snapped his phone closed and sighed. "Apparently Kantou's going through some crisis or another with kidnappings and arrogant boys disappearing.

"...Ryoma's been kidnapped?" Shiraishi asked.

"..."

"..."

"...I think I'm going to call Yuushi..." Kenya finally said before leaving the courts.

* * *

Oshitari Yuushi looked at his phone bemusedly. Ryoma being kidnapped? Atobe murdered and someone needed to pay ransom for his body? What was the world coming to? He chuckled.

Gakuto glanced up at his partner. "What? What's so funny?"

"Oh nothing, just a couple of interesting rumors. Atobe might find them...interesting, however."

The red-head stared at the tensai. "You're crazy."

Oshitari laughed quietly. "C'mon. You should see the show." His glasses glinted.

* * *

"Ohtori-san!"

Ohtori Choutarou turned around to see half the Fudomine regulars team behind him. He blinked. "Tachibana-san, is there something you need?"

Tachibana ran a hand through his hair. "Do you know what's wrong with Atobe-san?"

Ohtori stared. "What?"

Tachibana shifted uncomfortably, not quite believing that he was following up on such a ridiculous piece of gossip. Kamio stepped forward. "What he means is, we heard that Atobe-san was kidnapped and...had things done to him. We wanted to know if this was true or not."

...Things...? The silver-haired boy didn't know whether to laugh and flush in embarrassment at the implication. "U-um...I-I wouldn't know..."

"Aren't you on Atobe-san's team? Shouldn't you know what happened to your captain? He is your captain afterall. You can't just abandon him in his time of need like this. We wouldn't do that to Tachibana-san. We would've-" Shinji was cut off as a hand was suddenly placed over his mouth, muffling his mutters.

"Umm..." Ohtori was at a loss for words. Last he knew, Atobe-san was still in the club room. Perhaps he was wrong...?

"Oi! Choutarou! What's the hold up?"

"Shishido-san!" Ohtori turned around with a relieved smile. "They were just asking after Atobe-san." He gestured at the Fudomine group.

Shishido suddenly looked cross. "Why would they ask about Atobe? He's not involved nor related to any of them."

"Well, ah...uh..." Ohtori stammered. He looked at the Fudomine regulars helplessly.

"C'mon. Let's leave them to whatever it is they're doing. We still have to practice, even if Atobe did cancel the official one today." Shishido led Ohtori back to Hyoutei, twitching every now and then as he realized that Fudomine was still following them, but knowing that he couldn't do anything to them if they wanted to walk in the same direction.

It was only when they reached the front gates of Hyoutei that he realized just how bad the situation was. Members from the various schools in the region, and even those out of Kantou, were all hovering outside. He could see all of Seigaku (except Tezuka), half of Rikkaidai, Mizuki and Yuuta from St. Rudolph, Saeki from Rokkaku, half of Shitenhouji-just what the hell were they doing all the way in Tokyo?-and hovering around...was that Higa? Several of the Hyoutei students were trying to keep crowd control by blocking the entrance and preventing the players from entering the campus.

"JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Shishido finally shouted.

Silence followed as the teams turned to look at him. Then the barrage of questions started.

"We heard-"

"You have our sympathies-"

"...-mutilated..."

"...kidnapped..."

"...Atobe..."

"...ransom..."

"SHUT UP!" Shishido growled in frustration. He shoved past the entire crowd with Ohtori following and apologizing to those shoved. Unfortunately, this allowed the crowd to follow behind him as he marched to the club room, realizing that the entire commotion had something to do with Atobe.

"Shishido-san!" A girl-Yuuki or Yuuko or something-gasped as she stopped in front of him.

"What!" Shishido barked.

"Shishido-san!" Ohtori scolded disapprovingly.

Shishido rolled his eyes but amended his tone. "What?"

"Oh please, please help us. Atobe-sama is going to kill us if we don't find _him_! We've checked all his usual spots and even sent people out into the city to look but we still can't find him!" The girl looked quite frazzled. "And Atobe-sama will be expecting him back in five minutes, but we haven't found him yet! Much less take his picture!"

Shishido stared. "What are..." Then it dawned on him what the entire commotion could have possibly been about. "...oh. Great." He shook his head. "Yeah, Atobe's going to kill you all, alright, but I'd think for a much different reason than you'd think. C'mon."

Yuuko sniffed. "..w-what?"

Shishido marched up to the doors of the clubroom and pounded on it. "Oi! Atobe! We're coming in, so you'd better be decent! Half of Kantou's out here!" He shouted before opening the door.

"Ahn? Ore-sama knows." Atobe sat on the couch on the far end of the room, lounging on the cushions, with a petite figure draped over one side of the couch, and a blond head on his lap. His fingers were buried in the blond strands and gently fingering them.

"You KNOW! Then why didn't you take care of them instead of letting them stand out there blocking traffic?" Shishido burst out.

"Because I just told him about it." Oshitari drawled. He had been standing, leaning against the wall near the lockers, with Gakuto straddling the bench. Both were watching the commotion with laughter in their eyes.

Meanwhile, the other teams had just realized that no, Atobe was not missing, no Atobe was not dead, nor murdered, nor kidnapped, nor being held for ransom, and no Ryoma was nowhere near the vicinity (well, he was in the vicinity; he was just hiding from Kintarou).

Finally, someone in the crowd spoke up. "...so...Atobe isn't missing."

Atobe scoffed. "No, Ore-sama has not been missing, nor kidnapped, maimed, killed, nor had any other unmentionable acts done to him. He has been sitting here in the clubroom the entire afternoon, waiting for the yearbook committee to come and collect Jirou for his yearbook picture. Unfortunately, it would seem that they have taken it into their own hands to send out search parties for Jirou without notifying Ore-sama." He glanced at the girl from earlier. "If they had followed the rules as they were told, they would not have needed to waste time looking for Jirou when he has been here the entire time."

"...then...it's all just been a misunderstanding...?"

Atobe nodded in agreement. "And now, all you peasants can go back to your little houses and rest assured that Ore-sama is perfectly fine. Ore-sama thanks all of you for your concern."

Scoffs and snorts sounded around the room as the teams slowly filed out of the clubroom. Except...

"Hey Atobe? If they were looking for Jirou-san, then why did they say that "Atobe-san" was missing?" Momo spoke up. The rest of the teams that were still left in the room froze, turning their attention to Atobe.

Atobe frowned. He turned to Yuuko. "Well?"

Yuuko frowned. "Where did you hear that?"

Momo shrugged. "At the street courts. Some girl ran over and yelled that."

Yuuko's frown deepened. "Asami!"

A girl who had been hiding near the doorway when the other tennis players had filed into the room, spoke up. "Y-yes?"

"What is this boy speaking of?" Yuuko ignored the protest from Momo at being called merely a 'boy' as if he were a child.

"Um..." Asami looked confused for a moment. Then she realized.

_"Asami-chan, what's wrong?"  
"A-a-...A-atobe-san is missing!"_

She had slipped and said 'Atobe-san' instead of 'Jirou-san'! "I-I...It was a slip of mouth! I was in a rush and didn't realize it. I'm sorry!" She bowed low.

Yuuko opened her mouth to scold her, but Atobe sighed and cut in. "Fine. It is too late now in any case." He said, nodding at the other teams.

"...So...?" Momo prompted, earning a smack and a hiss from Kikumaru for egging the Hyoutei captain on.

Atobe rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to speak when he, too, was cut off.

"Because I'm an Atobe. Or I pretty much am, at least." They all turned their attention to the blond laying on Atobe's lap. Jirou had sat up next to Atobe and was rubbing his eye with a fist, yawning. "Me and Kei-chan agreed that we were married a long, long time ago, so even if my last name isn't legally Atobe, everyone who knows us knows. But calling me Atobe too would be too confusing, so they usually just call me Jirou." Jirou smiled cheerfully as he leaned over onto Atobe and snuggled into Atobe's side.

There was a pregnant pause before chaos erupted.

"EH!"

"Atobe is gay?"

"Doesn't he have that huge fanclub?"

"But that fanclub has guys in it, doesn't it."

"What the hell?"

"I knew it!"

"So his attitude was just to make up for something else, eh?"

"Monkey-king better not have looked at me that way."

At the last comment, Atobe snapped. "GET OUT! And NO, Ore-sama has NEVER looked at such a brat in such a way."

"Ryoma-kun's kinda like Kei-chan anyways, it'd be weird." Jirou giggled, watching as everyone non-Hyoutei scrambled to leave.

Atobe sighed exasperatedly. "And you still haven't gotten your picture taken yet."

Jirou looked up at him mischieveiously. "Then let's take it now!" He turned to Yuuko. "Yuuko-chan! Can you get the camera? Here's a perfect place, ne?" He smiled happily as Yuuko quickly snapped a face shot of him snuggling into Atobe's side. It wasn't the most conventional picture for a yearbook profile, but Jirou looked like the happiest person on Earth in that moment. Yuuko just couldn't bring herself to disagree with Jirou, and instead, even decided that she'd give them the other picture she took, the bigger one that included both of them entirely.

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**Please Read and Review~!**


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